【退職への道6】人の心は不可思議

2006-11-08 (水)
- 前会社ネタ

これまた急な話で翌日に再び中国へ出張に行くことが今日決まったM山さんとO課長の3人で飲んだ。

事の発端は午後にO課長から「お願い!」という件名で「夕方時間ありますか?晩飯でも食べに行きましょう」というメールが来たことから始まる。

ひょっとして以前ちらっと誘われた合コンの話か!と一瞬考えたものの、その程度の話ならわざわざ時間を取って晩飯など食べなくても就業中の雑談で十分事足りるはずと考え直した。 十中八九"例の話"だろうという結論に至り、どうしようかと思ったものの別に断る理由も思い浮かばなかった。

で、飲み会に参加してみればやはり"例の話"だった。

「実はM山から、お前(=私のこと)がいつまで経っても話してくれないんで、話を聞く場を設けて下さいって頼まれたんだよ」とO課長。

確かに。M山先輩とは毎日一緒に昼ご飯を食べに付き合ってもらっているが、昼食の席で退職の話を切り出したことはなかった。 後輩から「M山さんには話しておきました」という話を聞きつけ、まだ退職まで時間があることだしその内切り出そうと思ってズルズル過ごす内に、 突然の中国再出張が決定。そしてこの時間。

M山さんには会社を退職してishiiの会社に行くことを話した。

……まさか、M山さんからあれほど引き留めをされるとは思っていなかった。

いつも昼飯を食べているときでも「仕事が忙しい」「でも仕事しても残業代が出ない」「給料も上がらないし」とたまに愚痴をこぼしあっていた。 なので自分が退職すると聞いたら諸手をあげて賛成してくれそうな人第3位ぐらいに勝手にランクインしていたのだが。

「仕事なんて気持ちの持ち方一つでどうにでも変わる」「今は仕事が増えてきている。増えてきているが人がいないので回せないから困っている」「ここでお前に辞められるのは痛い」 「もし会社がお前(=私のこと)を必要としていないのだと思っていたらそれは違う」「もし自分の下につく人間を選んで良いと言われれば、真っ先にお前を選ぶ」……などなど。

思いつくだけでもこれぐらい言われた気がする。実際にはもっと言われたのだろうけど。

M山さんが自分のことを必要と思っていることに感謝していること。会社が自分のことを不必要だと思っているから辞めるのではない(※1)と言うこと。 会社が次第に良い方向(少なくともしゃちょー以外の社員)に歩み出していることは自分も判っていること、などを話した。

(※1)不必要だと思っているから辞めるのではない……以前「お前は向いてない」と部長に引導を渡された部署に居続けたら、このことを理由にしていたと思う。

他にも「まだまだみんな本気を出していない」「みんなが本気を出せばもっと(会社は)儲かる。そうすれば俺らの給料も上がる」 「これまで会社の利益が上がっていないことを知っていれば、給料上げてくれなんてとても言い出せない。でも俺は言うけど」 「給料が上げてくれないのだったら、上げてもらえるぐらい仕事をすればいい」などと自分にとっては驚愕の発言もしていた。

これまで昼食時に話していた内容とはかけ離れていたからだ。人の心は全く読めないもの。昼食時にこぼしていた愚痴とは正反対、まして「みんな本気を出していない」 などという、しゃちょーみたいな精神論を言い出すとは……M山さんの言葉とは思えなかった。

M澤先輩も「やつは天才だ。でも不幸な星の元にいる」と評していたが、私の目から見てもM澤先輩が努力の人なら、M山先輩は天才の部類に入ると思う。 自分の人生の中で「世の中にはやはり天才っているんだ」と思った2人目の人間。それゆえそのM山先輩がなぜもっと給料の良い環境に移らずに弊社で劣悪環境に耐えて頑張ろうとするのか、 それが理解できなかった。……もっともM山さんがいくら給料貰っているなど知る由もないが。

社員は少ないながらもこんな優秀な人材を擁していながら、なぜ利益が上がらないのか。「社員がみんな本気を出していない」からだけでは片づけられないと思う。

この際だから「そんなに人が足りないのなら、なぜ中途採用をしないで新人ばかり採用しようとするのか。それが不思議でならない」率直に日頃思っている疑問をぶつけてみた。

「中途採用に提示できるだけの(給与)条件がないのでは」というM山さんに対して、O課長は「条件ならいくらでも提示できる。ただやはり人が来ない。 それはウチの会社が何をやっているのかイマイチよく見えないからだと思う」という考えを示した。

ウチの会社は何でもやる。ハードウェアの設計(もう数人しかできないが)、組み込み用プログラムからWindows用ソフトやWebシステムの開発………それこそ幅広い。 ただ見方を変えれば"強み"がないとも言える。会社のどの分野に力を入れようとしているのか方向性が不明確。だから中途が来ない。O課長の話ももっともだ。

ここでM山先輩は体調不良と出張の準備のために途中退席。「……ま、そういうことだから」と意味ありげなセリフを残して中国へ旅立っていった。 時間がないときにご迷惑かけて、本当に申し訳ありませんでした。

M山さんが退席した後もO課長と2人で飲んだ。

O課長は突然「まだ退職って正式に決まった訳じゃないから。今から撤回するのも十分ありだから」などと言い出した。 ……いやいや、以前の話し合いで11/30の線で決まったはずだと思っていたのですが。それも本当は10/30だったのをO課長の要望で1ヶ月先延ばしにしたのに。 そんな経緯にも関わらず、この時期になって引き留められるとは夢にも考えていなかった。

さらにさすがは百戦錬磨のO課長。言うことが私の不安を突いてくる。これまでスケジュール管理とか客先での折衝を経験してこなかった私に 「どうせ移るならウチでそういうことを学んでからでもいいんじゃないの?ishiiにもそのことは十分話しておいた方が良いと思う」と正論で攻めてくる。

それは間違っていない。未経験に対する不安は大きい。ただ見方を変えれば「どれぐらい経験すればOKが自分の中で出せるのか?」とも思う。 やったらやったで反省点が続出するだろう。その反省点に対して次こそは……と思う。でも結局反省点続出。いつまでも「これで大丈夫」と自分の中でOKが出ない。 だったら。ishiiには申し訳ないが彼のところでゼロから学ぶのも同じではないか。何事にも初めはあるのだから。

あまりに「お前が心配だ」「今からでも考え直せ」「ウチでもうちょっと頑張れ」と心配してくれるので、とうとうこれまで隠し通してきた伝家の宝刀を抜いた。 まだ会社の誰にも話してはいませんが、と前置きした上で将来的には教員になりたいと考えていること。本当は合格した時点で会社を辞めようと思っていたこと。 そして今の会社で技術屋相手に人脈を広げるよりは、ishiiのところで色々な分野の人と人脈を築くことが教員になったときに教育上有益だと考えていること……などなど。 洗いざらい全部話した。

さすがに話を聞いて驚いていた様子だった(当たり前か)。

しかし「だったらishiiの会社で(小さい会社だから仕事が増え)勉強時間が確保できなくなるよりは、ウチでこれまで通りやった方がいいんじゃないか?」 変に引き留めることの有意義さに自信を深めたのは失敗だった。

結局、この日は終電の時間になったので自然にお開きとなった。退職願いつ出そうか……それ以前に本当に退職できるのか?不安になってきた。

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